(continued from issue #702 P.4)

How long does it take to apply for a green card nowadays？ It took me eleven days! Many years ago, my lawyer, Mr. Henry, had told me that the shortest wait would be three to four months. I got mine in eleven days. After practicing the Smoke Offering, the Garuda carried my application to the Immigration Department. My file was actually at the bottom of the pile, but it flew up and rested itself at the top of the pile. The immigration officer was about to write down a new number on the next application. OK, fine. It was done. Then, in a daze, he hurriedly mailed the approval letter that same night, feeling that it was of utmost importance. It was mailed back to me through regular mail. I got my green card eleven days after sending the application off. (Audience applause.) When Lawyer Henry heard this, he said, 「I doubt it.」 I brought the approval and the green card to show him. When he saw it, he almost fell off from his chair. It had never happened before. There were many miracles.

When I went for my citizenship interview, Master Lian-huo assisted me. Invisible beings also helped me. The immigration officer asked me who the President of the United State was. How could I not know that？ Even a three year old knew that it was Bush. (Grand Master laughter.) At that time it was Bush senior, not Bush junior. Since I did not know English, I actually answered, 「Bu Xi.」

The officer corrected me and said, 「George Bush.」 Then he asked, 「What is the capital city of the United States？」

I also knew the answer is Washington D.C.. Right？ We have a local chapter in that city. They have been struggling for a very long time to build a Lei Zang Temple there. I was not dumb enough to say 「Fei-li-da-fei-ya」 (Philadelphia). He asked me some especially easy questions since he knew that I didn’t know much English.

Finally he asked me to write a sentence, and I wrote 「I like America.」 (Grand Master laughter.) I have been practicing this one sentence for three months. How could I be stumped？ You see, I got my citizenship right away.

The trouble is, every time I return from an overseas trip, I have trouble understanding the immigration officer’s English. As one might expect, the answers to their questions are, 「I went to Taiwan, Japan, Malaysia....」 Sometimes they may ask me if I have brought in ten thousand US dollars. This I can understand, because it is about money. I responded, 「No! No!」

They ask, 「You have fruits？」

「No! No!」

「You have a gun？」

「No! No! You have but not me.」 (Grand Master laughter) I can only communicate with them in these simple English sentences. Consequently, each time the immigration officer would say to me, 「welcome back」 and stamp my form (for approval to United States entry).

It is true that I am a college graduate, but during my college years I disliked memorizing English vocabulary. I preferred studying math because it was not so much about rote memory. That is why I know limited English words. Shi-mu knows many English words. After arriving at United States, I started watching TV to learn English and would then go to the bars.

One time a bar tender asked me, 「Are you marred？」

「I am married,」 I told him.

「No good,」 he replied. (Grand Master laughter)

Now when my car breaks down, I drive it to the repair shop and tell them, 「My car is no good.」

(to be continued)

《本文譯自蓮生活佛在西雅圖雷藏寺2008年新春觀音大法會煙供法傳法開示》